I enjoy having sex, but mostly because it makes him happy. We’ve been doing it for a few months now, and it doesn’t hurt nearly as much. I still can’t enjoy it though from a physical perspective, and it drives me crazy!
Even other sexual things aren’t exciting to me. The only times I’ve orgasmed is by myself in one single position. With other guys I’ve been with, and even with Andrew when we first started dating, I felt the excitement of physical intimacy. I definitely have a sex drive (read the posts about Bobby). It’s just with Andrew now… there’s no passion. He’s honestly not really passionate about anything in his life, so it’s no surprise that it’s the same sexually. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t get any enjoyment from kissing, touching, or having sex with Andrew. It sucks so much, because I feel like this is the time of our lives where we should be having hot crazy sex all the time! When we do “stuff”, its always to satisfy him, even though I pretend to want it also. He can’t enjoy it if I don’t enjoy it, so I fake it to make it better for him.
I’ve told him about these issues, and we’ve talked about it. He definitely feels badly about the situation, but there’s nothing he can do to make it any better. It’s a fine line to walk on between being honest with him, and making him feel badly about a problem that’s not his fault. We’ve tried different positions, different times of day, more foreplay, different foreplay, and being more “into it” (i.e. being mindful of each other and trying harder to kiss passionately, for example). Nothing is working. I even switched my medication to one that doesn’t have sexual side effects! No difference.
I’m so frustrated. If we don’t have passion or chemistry now, will we ever? Will more communication and work help these issues, or are we doomed to have a terrible sex life for as long as we’re together? I was watching Friends, and Ross made a comment about how passion is overrated. He said that passion eventually dies out, it’s what remains after the passion that matters. Our entire relationship is built on non-passion related elements. We make a great team, have similar values, hold great respect for one another, and comparable views of how we want our future to look like. Is this enough? I know that these are all the “important” elements… but a huge part of me craves that messy, hot, butterfly-filled, rollercoaster element! Is it worth sticking with Andrew because we’ll be successful in the long-term? Or will I regret wasting my youth over a relationship that was “too responsible”? Am I with Andrew because it’s the safe choice, or the smart choice?
cadythinks 