A phonecall to Bobby

I’ve told you a little of my reservations about us… but so far I’ve been saying one thing but doing another, and that’s not good for either of us. I’ve been having feelings and trying to ignore them, because I like you so so much. But it’s beem growing on me and it’s not getting any better. Talking to my mom the other night kinda opened my eyes to it. I also talked to Kristen (my bff from home) and told her everything. She helped talk me through all this cause she knows me almost as well as my mom does.

I really like you – but the best thing for me right now is to just be friends. We should get to know each other and pursue a friendship first, then later down the road we can figure out if there’s more than just a friendship. I don’t want to lead you down a rollercoaster, dragging you along with whatever I happen to be feeling at the time. We’re a thing, we’re not a thing, we’re dating, we won’t be dating for a while… I’m confusing myself I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.

I do like you. A lot. But if we wait and get together down the road, we can enter a much stronger relationship, and we can know for sure what this is and what we want. I’ll be sure of my feelings, and know what I want. If our friendship can make it through this, (potentially one semester of school and a summer and semester away – more than a year of pure friendship), we know that we have something real. And we’ve been close friends before, I know we can go back to that, at least for a while. Focusing and growing our friendship is all I’m truly able to give you right now. Cause it’s eating me up inside knowing that I love you but that I can’t give you my all.

But all this being said, I’m really going to need your help. There will be times that I’m not going to want to do this. I may be willing to make compromises, want to go back on everything I’m saying right now, want to kiss you and date you and elope with you (lol) – but you have to put your foot down and say no. Because this is what I want for sure, I know this is what I need. If there’s going to be any chance of us having any future together, I am absolutely going to need this space to be single, grow as an individual, learn who I am and learn to love myself. I need to know who I am and love myself before I can love anyone else. If we jump into things now, things might be good for a while, but I guarantee things will end the exact same way they did with my ex (in confusion and misery and frustration). I feel something different with you. When I’m around you, when I kiss you, hold your hand, I feel things I’ve never felt with anyone before ever. But finding the right person is just as important as finding them at the right time. For me, right now is not the right time. So if you’re willing to wait, this is what I need. And I think it’ll be worth it if we do.

So what does this all mean? Hanging out is fine… but absolutely completely platonic till next semester. Then reevaluate and see where we’re at, after winter break. But the way I’m feeling right now I don’t know if I’m going to be ready by then, or how much longer I’m going to need. I do wish to pursue a friendship with you, I love being around you whether it’s platonic or not, and I love just spending time with you. But I can’t date you (or anyone) right now, and I’m so sorry it took this long for me to figure this all out.

Bobby

So there’s another guy.  I know, I know, I promised myself I’d stay single for a semester following this whole Andrew debacle.  But I just can’t seem to keep myself away!  I’ll start from the beginning.

Last semester when I first joined the tennis team, Sue asked me on the first day,

“So, who’s the cutest one on the team??”.  I looked around the courts, excited to be exchanging girl talk with a new friend.  I looked across the courts, and spotted a guy completely dominating the other player.  He was a middle-eastern or Indian guy, long hair pulled back in a pony tail, sporting bright orange sneakers and a Nadal-style headband.  He had a deep voice, joking with his buddies about his racket or something.  I pointed at him.  Of course I was still with Andrew at this point, but this was harmless girl talk.

“Oooo, you like Bobby?? He’s single, I could totally hook you guys up” She offered.

“Nah”, I explained “I have a boyfriend”.  Later during practice I told Sue that I needed to buy some racket grip.  She called Bobby over,

“Hey Bobby – Cady needs to go to the pro-shop, don’t you need to go tomorrow?”

He did.  We made plans to meet up the next day.  This is how it all started.  From there Bobby and I became great friends.

We played tennis a lot together; we were perfect doubles partners.  We didn’t talk much over the summer, but the following fall we went right back to being friends.  Whenever we were on the court together, everyone commented on the incredible chemistry we had.  Before I was even positive I liked him (in more than a friendly way), I had multiple people approach me asking if we were dating.  They bothered Bobby about it too.  Sue said over and over how great we would be as a couple.  Everyone saw us together before we even did.

Over time our relationship grew.  The initial attraction I felt toward him never faded – in fact it grew stronger and stronger with each passing day.  Bobby is incredibly smart.  He’s the president of the tennis team, a chemical engineering major, and taking premed requirements at the same time “to keep options open”.  He has such an incredible view on life… he’s creative, always waiting to pounce on the next opportunity to make something happen, open minded, easy going, curious about the world and how things work, adventurous, and well traveled.  He’s so interesting, and exciting!  I’ll call him on the phone to ask a quick question, and we end up talking for three hours.

He’s incredibly thoughtful too.  He loves his little sister more than anyone I’ve ever seen.  His mom told me when she was first born, Bobby (who was 3 at the time), would hold her for hours and hours, staring at her with the biggest smile on his face.  They grew up very close to each other.  Bobby and his sister both started playing tennis and taking private lessons around the same time.  At one point they were equally talented.  Eventually however his parents ran out of money, and could only afford to continue sending one of the kids through private training camps.  Their coach at the time saw more potential in Bobby’s sister than he did in Bobby, so his parents pulled Bobby out of competitive sports when he was about 10 years old.  He continued to play recreationally, but quickly lost the level he was at previously.  Currently his sister is the top of the tennis team ladder at her college.  From the time Bobby stopped getting lessons, he had to sit back and watch his little sister take all the glory and attention.  This would make any normal person angry, jealous, and bitter.  But instead of resenting his sister, Bobby turned into her biggest fan.  He attends every single one of there tournaments, helps coach her, sends her care packages to college, drives 6 hours to watch her college tennis matches, and talks to her every single day.

He also remembers everything I tell him, even the smallest silliest things (like how I hate driving though drive-throughs because of the time I got the car stuck at McDonalds).  He appreciates everything about me, right down to the things I don’t even notice about myself.  He makes me feel confident, and he has honestly helped me to love myself and all sorts of things about me.

I know it’s not good to compare relationships, but I can’t help myself and I’m sorry.  Andrew was never phased by anything.  Even the most exciting things in the world and in both his and my own life, he never expressed amazement toward anything.  He would be happy mabey, but never in awe.  I know he loved me, but I was alway kinda doubtful about why, or how much.  Bobby is truly in awe of me, completely.  He loves me, and expresses it in such an effective way.  He points out specific things, tells me every day, and gets excited about things simply because I’m excited about them.  I’m not trying to say anything bad about Andrew, or that I wouldn’t consider getting back together with him.  I’m merely trying to explain a tiny part of why I’m so purely happy when I’m around Bobby.  He makes me feel like I’m worth something, that I’m treasured, that I’m a rare gem in a mountain of pebbles.  And he does all this while staying true to himself.  He doesn’t say that he can’t live without me, or that if we ever grew apart he’d be miserable and die.  I wouldn’t want it to be like that.  He does say though that he’s the luckiest guy in the world when he’s with me, and that he’s going to do everything possible to hold onto me because I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

Mabey it’s unfair for me to compare Andrew and Bobby.  With Andrew I remember the full two year relationship, but the part that’s most fresh in my memory was last 6 months or so when the spark was fading.  With Bobby, all I have to compare is this month that we’ve been (kind of) together.  It’s still in the “honeymoon phase”.  Will this relationship with Bobby grow stale just as the one with Andrew did?  Will I realize that Andrew was my perfect match all along, and is spending time with Bobby going to impact my chances as getting back together with him?  Or is Bobby my true match, and I’m hesitant because of how quickly things ended with Andrew and started with him?  Or mabey neither of them are right for me, and I’m wasting my emotions, effort, energy, and time for personal growth?  More of these thoughts in my next post…  stay tuned.

40 Weird Things That Happen When Your Boyfriend Is Your Best Friend

This is my goal in life. Not power, or money, or success, just love.

SERENDIPITY AND CREATIVITY

1. He sees you in true form. There’s right before bed, zit cream and all. There’s drunk you with eye liner smeared on your face and nacho cheese in your hair. There are a lot of you’s he has endured. It’s actually laughable how bad you have looked around him and how little you care.

2. You’ve become so comfortable with each other that embarrassment is no longer a factor.

3. You have each other’s outfit ensembles nearly memorized. “I’m wearing the maroon shirt” “With the tan shorts and brown watch?” “Yup.”

4. You have had moments where you both felt like you couldn’t stand anyone else but each other for the moment.

5. Your families are way too comfortable around you both at this point and absolutely nothing gets held back.

6. You become obsessed with certain restaurants and foods for different periods of time.

7. You two have…

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